JackelopeBreeder

Buenos nachos, muchachos. Just what’s bueno about it I really don’t know. I’ve been doing a slow burn since I read this piece of crap ffrom the New York Times.

A Fence on the Border

The anti-immigration politicians certainly know how to get attention. Representative Duncan Hunter, a Republican from California, attracted a full battery of TV cameras the other day with his latest proposal to build a big strong fence along the Mexican border. The idea is to stop the illegal immigrants who enter the country mostly to take hard, low-paying jobs that Americans refuse. Only as a bumper sticker does this "fence ''em out" plan work. As immigration policy, it will just cost billions.

As the likes of Mr. Hunter tap into this politically rich vein, more thoughtful lawmakers in Washington are doing the harder work of seeking a more comprehensive approach. These lawmakers would secure the borders, of course, although probably not with a fence. They would also create a temporary workers program for those who want to fill the unwanted jobs. And finally, any workable immigration plan must deal with the 11 million illegal immigrants who are already in the country.

At this stage Congress seems to be slowly circling in on a policy. The House is focused on enforcement of border security first and, in some cases, finally. So far the Senate seems to be offering hope for a more comprehensive approach early next year, with Senator John McCain, the Arizona Republican, leading a rare bipartisan effort. The White House wants a comprehensive plan, but Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has moved ahead, promising more security guards on borders and changes in policy that would allow guards to send all of these trespassers back the way they came.

That may help in the short run, but it''s a little like adding more buckets to carry out the flow from a broken water main. As Representative Jim Kolbe, another Arizona Republican, pointed out after Mr. Hunter proposed his big fence, there are 10 times as many border guards on patrol in Arizona than there were a decade ago, and a lot more people crossing the border.

Here is my reply to the perfumed presstitutes at the Times.

Greetings from Cochise County, Arizona. There are only about 125,000 legal residents of this county despite the fact you could drop Connecticutt and Rhode Island in here and still have room for overflow parking. In the last two or three years between 20 and 25% of the illegal aliens crossing the border came right through here. The Border Patrol caught between 150,000 and 175,000 illegal aliens here in each of those years – and only caught a small fraction of those who jumped the fence. Most of those caught were given voluntary deportation and just tried again until they hit the home run, so the apprehension figures are all but meaningless.

On their way to the Promised Land of El Norte, these illegal aliens ripped us a new one.

Is your fence in the way? It will be cut or knocked down. Just misdemeanor mischief – until one of your cows wanders out on the road and a motorist finds out in a last split second before Eternity that Elsie the Cow is perfectly configured to slide up the hood of a Honda Accord, through the windshield, and turns them and any passengers into bloody hash.

If your dog barks at the wrong time or objects to having its territory invaded by strangers, it will probably be time for a trip to the pet cemetery.

If a group of illegal aliens runs shy of food and/or water, they won’t be stopping at Safeway or 7-Eleven. It’s going to be five-finger discount at any remote house. Or the occupant suddely finds themselves facing a crowd of rude strangers at the door demanding – not asking, demanding – food, water, use of the telephone, and rides. (This phenomenon will really give you a desire for a flamethrower as a home defense weapon.)

Let’s try what seems like a fairly benign aspect of illegal aliens – the trash and sewage they leave in their wake. The Federal Bureau of Land Management estimates that every illegal alien jettisons 8 to 10 pounds of trash before making that magical ride north – normal human waste isn’t mentioned. Is any of this going in garbage cans, dumpsters, or Porta-Potties. No. Does our government do anything about it? No. Clean up is handled by local volunteer groups – and that fact is giving our local public health officials a screaming conniption fit. Try wearing a hazmat suit under the Arizona sun; you’ll look like a Thanksgiving turkey in short order. Drug resistant TB, anyone? Hepatitis A, B, or C? Chagas? Leprosy? All are making a strong come back here in the land of the flea and home of the slave.

Who do we blame?

Latin American politicians from here to Tierra del Fuego to begin. Face it, 99% can’t talk about concepts like honesty and integrity without the pee stains of guilt showing up on camera. Or how about the greedy little dung beetles here in El Norte who insist they need their cheap labor fix? String them all up by their heels from lamp posts and use them as piñatas.

As for our home-grown politicians, I have only one word of hope. Maybe Pfizer Pharmaceuticals can put its ultra-smart prople to work on mutating Viagra. This country is sorely in need of a drug that can fix spinal erectile dysfunction.